something isn't sitting right ...

I've finally figured out what it is.

A couple of days ago, I posted some rambling thoughts at my livejournal about my Decade of the 60's class and where my own brain was going. Per usual, they were mostly scrambled thoughts, meant to spark other ideas that I would blog about when I had the time. I'm always terrified of forgetting what I meant to say.

A couple of people commented, opposite ends of the spectrum really, and both sets of comments got me thinking. That's the point. That's why I do this sometimes. Your thoughts help me put mine into words. But I realized this morning that I'm not ... I'm not giving myself enough credit. I post and then forget I did and then something will bring my thoughts back and I realize that I never did expand on those thoughts.

My biggest problem is not my short, staccato thought processes that never get finished. It's that I have SO many ideas racing through my head and not enough time to write all of them down. There are some moments when I realize exactly why it is that writers can go crazy. The thoughts spiral and spiral and want to be shared but we as writers are only human. I love the comments that DO get posted to my short bursts of energy because they either give me a whole new perspective or they reinforce what I was going to write. But I want more. Finding balance is so hard sometimes and I know that even if I was making a living as a writer, I still wouldn't have time to write it all down.

Maybe I worry that for all my writing, be it long or short, no one will read. No one will comment. No one will care. Maybe I worry that I don't express myself the way I want to. Maybe I just want there to be more time in the day. Maybe all of the above.

Maybe the problem is the word Maybe.