Less Than Human

Dear Utah Lawmakers:

Over the course of the past few months, as I have seen the legislature tear down the hopes of a Common Ground between Utah's Straight and Queer communities, as I have read the harsh words of Senator Buttars and Governor Herbert, and now watched the "trial" of DJ Bell, I have come to learn something, something that is a harsh, terrifying reality to me: In your eyes, I am less than human.

It's a funny thing, you see, that you consider me thus. I am a registered voter in South Salt Lake and since moving back to the state in 2005, have not missed an election - primary or general. I pay my taxes - state, federal, and sales. As I am a single adult, my taxes are no higher than a single adult who shares a similar situation. I attend Salt Lake Community College and in doing so, sit alongside many other students. I keep my car registered and insured, and when I am pulled over for failing to yield or when I receive a ticket for an expired meter, the cop does not ask if I am gay or straight. The ticket does not have a clause that instantly increases the cost if it were to be known that I am a member of the Queer community. I work, full time, thereby increasing my ability to contribute to the economy which I do by attending community events such as concerts and Jazz games. I am healthy, therefore the health insurance premiums my company so generously pays for me are lower. When I need care I seek it and I make sure to not miss my annual exams, no matter how much I may hate them. My dog is always walked on a leash and I do my best to clean up after the waste she leaves behind. I do admit to being a loyal University of Utah fan, but that fact alone cannot make me stand out as Queer.

Like most of the men and women who surround me, I do my best to pay my bills on time. Only once in the past year have I been faced with an overdraft in my checking account. On the income I pull in as a staff member for a local non-profit, I help to support my mother who, due to a disability, is on a fixed income and the hours she herself can work are limited due to health and Social Security requirements. As Medicare does not provide any transportation and Flextrans holds her to a conditional riding provision, I am her primary means of transportation and so I work her working and school schedule and doctor's appointments into my every day working schedule. I am lucky enough that she is willing to be flexible with my own schedule. Refusing to put my mother into a nursing home, I share her residence, providing care she needs on a daily basis. Most of it is minimal, but because I am in her life she does not need to rely solely on frozen dinners but together we can have fresh foods and as a result she is healthier. Around me, countless others make similar provisions for aging parents, and many of these fellow residents are also trying to raise children and make a marriage work.

In many ways, I am indistinguishable from my fellow Utahans. Even without being raised in the Mormon faith, living in Utah has granted me a respect and understanding of those around me who believe. Most Sundays I can be found waiting for my mother while she attends the Catholic Parish of her choice. I am "Aunt Shauna" to many of my friend's children. I donate time to a local non-profit. I am the organizer of a community group of writers. I am part of this community.

Daily, I stare at the three, stubborn gray hairs on my head and wonder if it is time to begin dying again. I work out - but not enough. I pass out in front of the television.

Yet you, my lawmakers, would chose to set me aside. You would chose to label me as deviant, different, dangerous. My membership in a community of people for some reason scares you. Because I do not base my choices in love on gender alone, I must be ostracized. Because my friends love one of the same sex or gender we are told we are less than you. We can be spit upon, beaten, and ignored by police and you will do nothing but nod with deaf ears while our few friends who sit among you plead for change.

I will not bring the argument to your level by reminding you that once, you were treated as different, deviant, and dangerous by a government you now accept stimulus money from all the while decrying expanded spending on the federal level. To reduce the argument to that level takes the humanity from all of us. To say, "you have to be nice to me because you were once bullied" is as useless as a newspaper in a desert downpour. All I can do is continue to vote. All I can do is continue to spend my money wisely - at local businesses and on causes that I believe in. All I can do is continue to write, to reveal the insanity of your argument.

I am human. By the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States of America, I am even considered equal. While law upon law passed in the name of preserving the family (at both the federal and state level) reminds me that I am not allowed to marry should I fall in love with a woman, that at any moment I can be fired or evicted for being out about my sexuality, and states that if I am the victim of a hate crime the same laws that apply to others do not apply to me, I am as human as you are. I have family I love, a faith I am devoted to, dogs that I walk, cats I care for, and fish I love to watch swim in their tank. I fall in love with TV shows and read glorious books and work too hard for too little pay.

In the end, there is no difference between us. If it is your religion you follow, may I remind you that God, any God, is a God of love. That we, as human animals, are destined for love and joy and pain and sorrows. And that we, members of the Queer community, are your daughters, your sons, and your grandchildren.

Remember that as DJ Bell sits on trial.

Sincerely,
A member of your population.