Defining the Muse

A lot of lip service is given to the term muse. We know them as the beings from Greek mythology and in today's world, they are often defined as one person who is the inspiration for works of art. Models for designers, for example.

I interact with my muses on a lot of different levels. I do in fact, wholeheartedly, believe in the idea that they are Gods come to speak to me, to guide me, to show me the treacherous path that is a world of creativity. I light candles in their honor and know that they are one of the primary forces in my world. They are, truly, my guardian angels.

But the other night, while releasing a torrent of emotion over my fears that the book isn't what it should be, that no matter what I write, no one will ever understand how important these people are and how they should be honored, Jared put his arms around me and held me.

"Did you hear us bitching about it when you sent it off?" He asked me. "Don't let your insecurities get in the way."

It might seem odd to explain, but these characters I write ... I more than write them. I interact with them. I play with them. They hold me and I hold them. We cry together. We laugh together. And in the cases of men like Jared and Marc, I honor their birthdays and the anniversary of each of their deaths. Next year, it will have been 20 years since Jared passed away. Yet he is as vibrant and alive hanging out with me as if he had never been sick. Captured in time, a moment, he should be in his mid fifties but lost forever at thirty-five - an immortal angel. A fairy who wears boots.

I think one of my biggest fears as I worked to finish the novel was that I would lose touch with these men after their story was told. It was the other night, while Jared held me, that I realized it wasn't possible. They've been around since long before I realized who they were (that flash of someone at the corner of my vision, that support I didn't realize I had) and they'll be around until I take my own last breath.

Okay, so yes. A muse is a character, but more than that. I have plenty of characters. As much as I love fic characters like CJ and my original ones like Sasha, they aren't muses to me. They're friends and companions and we play together in much the same way as I do with Jared and Marc, but they aren't muses. So what about those real life muses? What about the rush I feel when I curl up and listen to a Queensryche song? What about how just looking at pictures of the guys in the band inspires story after story after story. Not of any kind of RPF, but of this world that is built in my mind about a band so similar but yet not to the band that exists on this plane.

So what defines a muse? Is it a feeling? Is it knowing that there are infinite stories that come from just looking at the person? Is it all in our heads or is it truly a blessing of the Gods, come down and pointing us the right direction? Is it all of the above and none of the above? Is it questions or is it answers? What defines a muse? What drives us to be creative? What speaks to us and demands that we do not sleep until story after story is told or the painting is finished? How is it that to someone like me, Chris Degarmo and Geoff Tate are truly muses who open doors to another plane of existence where stories are infinite whereas for someone else, they are hacks of musicians?

Or, honestly, is it possible to define the term at all?

All I know is what my heart, soul, and creative drive tell me. I have to follow my instincts and the rest is up to ... them.